My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
