There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
