im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
