Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
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you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂