Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD