I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
