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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high

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• (925): View more from California

  I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.

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  The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.

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  19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  A+ 👏🏼

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea

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