Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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