Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There r osticjed everywhere
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I could fuck to npr.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your penis caused this!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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