the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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