You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
