My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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