Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
