so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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