We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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