we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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