This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
