I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
