They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
