the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
