Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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