He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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