OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
