I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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