Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
