why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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