mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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