About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
send nudes
from the living room?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
