i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
