Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
