Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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