i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
