My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
