My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize