Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
