I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
