My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
