I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
