see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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