i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it hurts more in the daytime
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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