Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
