i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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