I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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