I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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