Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
