all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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