so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
