Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Be still, my beating vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
