we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
