but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
