I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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