I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
