Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
