He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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