she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
