I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize