OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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