i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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