Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
