I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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