You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
