I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
