I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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