You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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