FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
