Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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