Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
