I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
