You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
