God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
