So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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