Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize