I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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