We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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