I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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