i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
