Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my liver is dry heaving
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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