It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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