I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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