I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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