It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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