You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
