I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
