hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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