You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
