false alarm. still invincible.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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