My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
