Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
